“The man said, ‘The woman…gave me some fruit…and I ate it.’” Ge 3:12 NIV
The story of Adam and Eve’s failure teaches us two important lessons about God: (1) He won’t accept your excuses. (2) He won’t let you blame other people. He insists that you take responsibility for yourself, and until you do—He can’t bless you like He desires. That means you must make a choice to stop living in the dumpster of past mistakes—your own and other people’s. You must focus on where you’re going and what you’d like to see happen, rather than having your eyes glued to the rearview mirror, looking back at what was done and who did it. It’s time to take back your power! How? (a) Declare “time-out” when it comes to blaming. (b) Define what success would look like for you and specify what you want to see happen. (c) Delegate “who’ll do what” in order to make it happen, and reward the people who help you toward a brighter future. (d) Realize that deliverable goals are goals that are attainable. Relationships in trouble desperately need good news, so develop some achievable goals that give everyone something to celebrate. It doesn’t have to be the ultimate goals that’ll win the war, but small successes that indicate you’re winning some battles. This game plan gives power back to the individual who needs to see progress. It distracts you from blame-fixing and gives you guidelines for what’s productive. It takes the power away from dwelling in the past, where none of us has the ability to undo what was done no matter who is to blame. And it’s a constructive effort, as opposed to one that’s destructive.